Friday, December 6, 2013

Insult #8: Your brain is full of spiders



Before I get started, I’d like to apologize to my readers. This blog is a day late, and I know all three of my readers just can’t wait to see what I have to say about Mr. Grinch insults. I’ve delayed that intense satisfaction by a day, and for that, I’m sorry. But, I have a good excuse. See, what had happened was, my wife is in grad school and the end of the semester has come upon us. So, I spent my time last night cooking and tidying up our apartment while she studied and hogged the computer. So you see, this post is late because my wife monopolized the computer for school work. Yes, I know my analysis of Mr. Grinch insults should take precedence over any and everything, but I love my wife so I’ll let it slide. Hopefully my two readers will understand. I know I just said I have three readers, but one of those readers was my wife and I just threw her under the bus.

To make it up to you, there will be two insult posts today. I know, I give too much. You’re welcome.

Let’s move on to Mr. Grinch’s spider-filled brain. If his brain is full of spiders, then his brain must be a hospitable environment for them. Is that such a bad thing? Well, spiders can survive in any climate except for the extreme cold. They also tend to live in cluttered or closed off spaces. Not only that, but spiders can blend in with their environment, which means they might be living nearby and you wouldn’t even notice. All of this brings me to the conclusion that there’s a chance there are spiders living in my brain as well. It’s not very cold up there, my mind is usually pretty cluttered, and to be honest, I don’t really have a strong grasp on what’s in there.

So, maybe telling the Grinch that his brain is full of spiders is less an insult and more like a warning. “Hey, Grinch. There are a crap load of spiders living in your brain. You might want to get that taken care of.”

Maybe that explains why the Grinch wore a Santa suit with no pants. The spiders in his brain messed up his judgement. From now on, that’s what I’m blaming all my mistakes on.

“Excuse me sir, but why are you walking around in twenty degree weather wearing a Santa Claus hat and coat, but no pants of any kind covering your genitals?”

“It’s the spiders in my brain. They make me make terrible decisions.”

“I see. I’m going to call the cops now.”

2 comments:

  1. Fantastic! I just about fell out of my chair laughing at the spiders bit.

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  2. Or...maybe your brain is filled with creepy yucky shit (thoughts, patterns, negative energy, grudges, unhealthy bs, whatever) crawling around creating sticky icky webs that you and whoever tries to reach you gets stuck in? 🤔 Clear those cobwebs. Clear your mind.

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