Insult #22: Your heart’s a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots

Lord have mercy, the moldy tomato pictures look even worse than the bananas. I could only bear to look at a handful of pictures before I closed the page. Some of those moldy tomatoes looked alien. And those moldy purple spots might be the worse. They look like hairy purple bugs.

So, Mr. Grinch’s heart is a nasty rotten tomato that’s also an empty hole that is also somehow filled with unwashed socks. You know, I think trash-talking about the physical attributes of someone’s heart isn’t necessarily the most scathing insult in the world.

“Your left ventricle ain’t shit son!”

So why are there three heart insults? I mean, it would be different if we were questioning his heart. If I said to Mr. Grinch, “Grinch, you don’t have the heart to steal Christmas,” the Grinch would probably say, “I’m all heart sucka!” and steal Christmas. Maybe he gets so amped up about me questioning his heart that he doesn’t wimp out at the end and give the Whos their Christmas junk back.

But If I were to tell him that his heart was splotched with moldy purple spots, he’d probably just say, “Yeah man, I know. My grinch doctor said I need to eat more fiber and live someplace better than a snowy cave.”

So, while I was so grossed out by the pictures of the moldy tomatoes that I’ll no longer be able to eat banana and tomato sandwiches, I have to say this insult is just “meh,” on the insult scale. His heart looks like something from a science fiction movie. Maybe that’s why he’s so mean.

“Mr. Grinch, why are you so angry?”

“Because my heart looks like ass!”

Thanks for reading!