Insult #5:You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel

Let me just start off by saying I support this insult. If you call me a bad banana with a greasy black peel, you better be prepared for tears and a punch to the face. Well, maybe just the tears. I don't take insults well. 

There isn't anything appealing about rotten bananas. I know some people that will still eat a banana when the peel is a little brown, but I don't know anyone that will eat one once the darkness takes over. Everyone knows that the more darkness on the outside of a banana, the more horribleness on the inside. And that greasiness the insult refers to? That's a sure sign that a moldy white fungus is on it's way. And don't even get me started on the inside of a banana that has a greasy black peel. This is where I would normally link to a picture of a very disgusting rotten banana, but you know what folks, that just wouldn't be right. Just know that I looked at a lot of pictures of rotten bananas for the sole purpose of writing this post, and let me tell you, it wasn't worth it. Terrible, terrible stuff. I'm doing you an enormous favor by not showing some of those rotten banana pictures. 


Anyway, rotten bananas with greasy black peels look disgusting, smell disgusting, sound disgusting (they make a squishing sound if you squeeze too hard), and I assume they taste disgusting. I'm sure there's some poor idiot out there that has eaten an over-rotten banana because of a dare, for money, or because they were forced to because of some type of hazing. I however, will never eat a black banana with a greasy black peel. In fact, after having images of disgusting bananas burned into my retinas, I'm not sure I'll be able to eat firm yellow bananas for awhile. I'm sure some people out there might want me to taste gut-churning bananas for the sake of research, and to those people I say, keep your damned comments to yourself.


As for the rest of you that don't want to see me become fatally ill from eating a bad banana with a greasy black peel, you are more than welcome to send me comments. In fact, I did receive one comment on the Insult #2 post, and I've been trying to figure out if I should reply in the comments section, respond in a post, or just call the person on the phone (I think I know just about everyone that reads this blog). I've decided to reply in the post because let's face it, if you have the patience and intestinal fortitude to read my rambling and unique (weird, possibly insane) thoughts about "Mr. Grinch," then you deserve to read my answer to someone's comment with more rambling and unique (weird, possibly insane) thoughts.


In the Insult #2 post, I mentioned I'd like to see a Mr. Grinch pro wrestler, and I debated about what type of dog would accompany him to the ring. Loyal reader and great man Earl wrote:


I vote for the Chihuahua. Some of the meanest mutts I've met have been Chihuahuas. They have Grinch-like qualities. You see one cuddled up in its owner's arms and reach out to pet it and it snaps at your fingers.


They're mean little sons of bitches.


-Earl


I think I might have to agree with you Earl. You make some very valid points, especially the mean little sons of bitches part. They are little. They are sons (or daughters) of bitches. And every chihuahua I've ever met has been possessed by a demon. And they're ugly as all get out with those weird eyes. There's a Steve Buscemi joke here, but I'm going to keep it to myself. I've already spent most of one post cracking on him, and I don't want people to think I got Buscemi beef.


Thanks for reading!