Insult #3: You're as cuddly as a cactus

Now we're talkin'. Even the meanest of mean ones wants someone to cuddle next to on cold winter nights. But can Mr. Grinch get a little cuddle with a nice lady grinch? Heck no! No self-respecting lady grinch is going to cozy up to a present-stealing cactus boy.

Here's a confession about yours truly: the bottom of my feet feel like the side of an old barn. I try to moisturize them, but my feet have an unquenchable thirst that makes any amount of moisturizer an empty attempt at personal grooming. Most times when I'm pressed against my wife while we lay together in bed, one of my feet might come in contact with one of her podiatric pearls of perfection, and she will whisk her feet away as if they were shocked with an electric rod. It's a terrible feeling to have someone you desperately want to get next to pull any part of her body away. I couldn't imagine my whole body being so physically uncomfortable that she, or anyone else, would feel unable to cuddle next to me.

So, despite all the green fur, cuddling next to Mr. Grinch is the equivalent of rubbing your body against a cactus. Overall, a pretty strong insult if you ask me. Simple, direct, and it might cause Mr. Grinch to think about the long tunnel of dark loneliness that will fill the rest of his life.